Where, I ask myself whether young people get these negative thoughts and surrender to fate?
Answer soon became apparent when I invited her parents into the session. They began to discuss a variety of life events and explaining them in a way that their children learn. Cars, for example, got dented because you cannot trust anyone these days; Mother yelling at you because he's in a bad mood; you cannot get ahead in this world unless you know somebody, etc.
As a parent, your own thinking style is always on display and your children are listening intently!
The importance of optimism
Why should you want your child to be an optimist? Because, as Dr. Martin Seligman explains: "pessimism (opposite of optimism) is an entrenched habit of mind that has sweeping and disastrous consequences: depressed mood, resignation, underachievement and even unexpectedly poor physical health."
Children with optimistic thinking skills are better able to interpret failure, have a strong sense of personal mastery and are better able to bounce back when things go wrong in their lives.
Because parents are the main contributor to the thinking styles of their children developing the mind, it is very important to follow the following five steps to ensure healthy mental habits in your children.
How parents can help
Step 1: Learn to think optimistically yourself. What children see and hear directly from you when you live your life and interact with others that affect them much more than what you are trying to 'teach' them.
You can model optimism for your child by incorporating optimistic mental skills into your own way of thinking. This is not easy and does not happen overnight. But with practice, almost everyone can learn to think differently about life events-even parents!
Step 2: Teach your children that there is a relationship between how they think and how they feel. You can do this most easily by saying loudly how your own thoughts about adversity create negative feelings in you.
For example, if you are driving your child to school and a driver cuts you off, verbalize the connection between thoughts and feelings by saying something like "I wonder why I feel so angry; I think I said to myself: 'Now I'm going to be late because of the in front of me will be so darn slow. If he was going to drive like that he should not drive during rush hour. How rude. '"
Step 3: Create a game called 'thought catching.' This helps your child learn to identify thoughts that drifted across his or her mind when they feel the worst. These thoughts, although barely noticeable, greatly affect mood and behavior.
For example, if your child received a poor grade, ask: "When you're the class you, Do you say to yourself?"
Step 4: Teach your child how to evaluate automatic thoughts. It means acknowledging that they things you say to yourself is not always accurate.
For example, after receiving a poor grade your child may tell himself he is a failure, he is not as smart as other kids; He will never be able to succeed in school, etc. Many of these statements alone may not be accurate, but they are 'automatic' in that situation.
Step 5: Teach your child about how to generate more accurate explanations (to themselves) when bad things happen and use them to challenge your child's automatic but inaccurate thoughts. Part of this process involves looking for evidence to the contrary (both class in the past), success in other areas of life, etc.
Another skill is to teach your child to help him or her think optimistically to 'DE catastrophize' situation-that-help your child see that the bad event may not be as bad or will not bring adverse consequences imagined. Some things in life destroying as we fear, yet we blow them up in our minds.
Parents can influence the thinking styles of their children by modeling the principals thought optimistically.
-Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.